What does being hypothyroid mean? Sounds like a relatively simple question, doesn’t it? I mean, if you ask anyone on the street, they just tell you that you’re on medication for life. Hell, even doctors tell you that. And that’s pretty much all they tell you too. But is thyroid disease as simple as that? Hell to the no!
What does being hypothyroid mean to me? Simply put, everything. Having been diagnosed 20+ years now has put some perspective on this, but the last few years have been the most enlightening. The first few years it meant regular blood tests and obviously daily medication. I didn’t think much of it for many, many years. I took my pills, I did regular TSH testing and that really was the sum of all I and more importantly, my doctor did.
Now in all this time, my symptoms really didn’t go away. I still felt tired, some days more than others. I still found most things a lot more effort than they should have been to accomplish. My doctor watched my levels, he’d ask how I felt, I told him, he’d tell me to keep an eye on it and if it got worse, we’d see about upping my medication. it never got worse per say, but it certainly didn’t get any better either. For all intents and purposes, I was still hypothyroid due to my symptoms vs having thyroid disease (symptom free with the right medication) and shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t until I developed additional symptoms that I started doing my own research.
I’m still trying to get my doctor to the same level as I am in regards to more knowledge of this disease and I’ll give him credit, as he has been doing some research on his own and he’s slowly coming along. But I’m just tired of struggling with fighting not only my symptoms, but to get proper help as well. I’m tired of the long bouts of insomnia, the development of gallstones, the occasional need to get outside immediately because I feel like I can’t get enough air. I’m tired of struggling to keep the brain fog at bay. I’m tired of the months of pain in one (at a time) area that randomly starts up for no apparent reason. I’m tired of working my ass off in the gym 6 days a week with both cardio and weights, improving my diet (yes, getting my macros right) and it not making a damn bit of difference in my weight. I’m tired of weighing up how badly certain things need to get done because I am so drop dead tired right to my soul that I don’t even know how I’m still standing and dear lord, do I really need to do that giant pile of laundry or god forbid, take the dog for a walk right this very minute? *sigh* Yes, yes you do because it’s not the dogs’ fault you’ve got this pain in the ass disease, not to mention going to work or school naked is generally frowned upon.
I’m a responsible adult dammit but some days I just want to tell the world to fuck right off! Even if the world were on fire, do not disturb me cause all I want to do is hide under my blankets feigning sleep cause who the freaking hell can sleep when your tired as sin but your body is so screwed up it won’t let you do anything but just lay there staring up at the ceiling?
Who’s bright idea was it to come up with a disease that makes you so tired you can barely keep upright yet as soon as your head hits the pillow it at the same time laughs at you and says “Nope! Not tonight sweetheart. Tonight we’re going to toss and turn and never get comfortable and just watch the time crawl by one minute at a time”? I think we need to hunt that ass down and do unspeakably painful things to him. Who’s with me?