I assume you’ve read part one so you are already aware of my blatant disdain for the incompetency of those that “treated” my grandfather. Well, as it turns out, I’ve had my own bitter taste in regards to those in the medical profession.
Some of this is my own fault as I simply didn’t know all of my symptoms were actually supposed to be gone entirely. I thought I would get “better” but not necessarily back to where I was, but let me start at the beginning…
Almost 22 years ago my beautiful daughter came into this world kicking and screaming like the tough little cookie she is. For almost two years after her birth, I was tired, bone freaking tired. All the time. I could sleep 12 hours and oh how I dreamed I could, yet I’d still wake up tired. I had no energy or gumption for anything. I didn’t care what clothes I wore, whether I had make up on. I’d even try and get out of plans cause it was simply too much bother to get ready. If you are thinking that I am lazy, it’s really not a case of choose sweats and a good book over going out. This was I’ll stay in my sweats and just veg. Not actually do anything kind of tired. And emotions!! Whooheee! All over the map! Say the wrong thing and I’d be in tears. I’d be happy one moment, sad the next, and angry the moment after that.
I wasn’t depressed as such, just no motivation to do anything. Don’t get me wrong, I still loved, cared for and played with my daughter. Got up in the middle of the night etc. I just had the devil of a time getting motivated to do anything outside of what I had to. This went on for the better part of two years. Finally it was the heart palpitations that was the deciding factor to go and get checked out.
I had an ECG done as well as a whole deluge of blood tests. I think I left the clinic about 5 pounds lighter due to blood loss. I went back a couple days later for the follow up appointment and my family doctor told me that the heart palpitations was not caused by a prolapsed heart as he had originally suspected, but because of my thyroid. He told me I was hypothyroid and that I’d have to take a pill a day for the rest of my life and that I need to try and take my pills at the same time everyday to help my system keep a balance.
That was it. Come back in 3 months to test my levels again and we’d alter my dose when necessary. I was put on Synthroid and have been on Synthroid for 20 years. But that was all of the information I was given. He treated it rather blasé and I have to admit, so did I. I didn’t take it seriously nor did I deem it a “real” condition, I am embarrassed to admit.
I’d gotten much improved on Synthroid and we’d gotten it to a manageable level and my life differed improved from what it was. It was not back to normal. I still wasn’t right but I was significantly better than I was. Again, I cannot stress enough that I in no way was given any inclination that my symptoms should no longer exist once on medication. He said Synthroid would help me feel better. It did. I told him during every appointment over the last 20 years that I was not back to normal but was a lot better than I was.
A couple years ago I hit a deep and dark depression. So bad, I was actually prepared to end it all. I found myself emotional and erratic. Again with the happy one minute and sad beyond recompense the next. I thought it was due to an extremely stressful divorce after an extremely stressful abusive marriage. I thought my brain was crashing due to all it’s had to tolerate and endure. Not to mention a job loss in there as well. It was a couple of years of hell. That is why I didn’t seek help. I’ve always been strong and have endured through some significant life experiences in the past, so didn’t think much of making it through this latest episode.
Those dark depressed days were getting more common and staying for longer. My energy was drained. I lost one job because I hated it and didn’t care whether I kept it or not. I was losing my lust for life. The ONLY factors that kept me from saying screw it entirely was my sister who reminded my every day that I was important, that I mattered. My daughter was the other anchor. She may be all grown up but she still needed me. Not just to be her Mum but also her friend. And there was also my rock. My foundation of bedrock. My best friend whom I am lucky enough to now have as my partner as well. He was there for me during the middle of the night police station statements. Through each and every dark episode with the patience of Job. Making sure I saw the positive in all and reminding me that I’m not just leaving what negative thoughts or experiences I’m having but also all the good ones. Not to mention the devastation my loss would have on my daughter and to those that I care about and am close to.
I was at an all time low. Worse than before I was diagnosed. And that is low, believe me. I’m still there to be honest. But due to the off chance of seeing an article on hypothyroidism on Facebook I started to see the light. And a tremendous relief rushed over me. I wasn’t losing my mind. This was all classic symptoms of hypothyroidism on the wrong medication.
I don’t know about you but I had no idea there were options for other medications. Or why there were other medications. Were there differences? If so, what were they? What would they do for me?
Dear lord! Once I started delving into the pot for more and more information the angrier I got. I had symptoms I didn’t realize were even symptoms until I read them, and their medical name. One was actually caused by the medication itself. A side effect of the medication I was supposed to be on for life. Don’t you think that little tidbit of information should have come up at some point in conversation over the last 20 years? How about the fact I should have MORE THAN JUST MY TSH LEVELS TESTED!!
Now that I know what TSH levels are, I see how freaking pointless they are except to tell you that your pituitary gland is doing its job.
I’m going to give a synopsis of the information I had gleemed that pertains to me. The one thing that I will tell anyone that has thyroid disease is that you need to do your research. Don’t just go by what the doctor tells you (if anything), find out information from other patients, specialists (you’d be surprised who have twitter accounts or their own blogs) but most of all soak up every little detail. You just never know when you’ll find the answers, and help, you’ve been looking for.
The links to a couple of my favourite and most informative Facebook pages I’ve found. They aren’t the only ones out there but they are fabulous sources. I will be continuing my saga tomorrow as it’s far too much post in one sitting. This one is already pretty damn long.
Anyway, without further adieu, the links:
Oh, and I recommend buying their books too. I’ve got pages highlighted and tagged and will be bringing them to my appointment. I also have a list of questions for the doctor too.
But please, check out these pages and they also have blogs, so if you’re not on FB, I’ll see about scooping their blog pages and posting them for you.
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