Hypothyroidism Sucks!

What does being hypothyroid mean?  Sounds like a relatively simple question, doesn’t it?  I mean, if you ask anyone on the street, they just tell you that you’re on medication for life.  Hell, even doctors tell you that.  And that’s pretty much all they tell you too.  But is thyroid disease as simple as that?  Hell to the no!

What does being hypothyroid mean to me?  Simply put, everything.  Having been diagnosed 20+ years now has put some perspective on this, but the last few years have been the most enlightening.  The first few years it meant regular blood tests and obviously daily medication.  I didn’t think much of it for many, many years.  I took my pills, I did regular TSH testing and that really was the sum of all I and more importantly, my doctor did.

Now in all this time, my symptoms really didn’t go away.  I still felt tired, some days more than others.  I still found most things a lot more effort than they should have been to accomplish.  My doctor watched my levels, he’d ask how I felt, I told him, he’d tell me to keep an eye on it and if it got worse, we’d see about upping my medication.  it never got worse per say, but it certainly didn’t get any better either.  For all intents and purposes, I was still hypothyroid due to my symptoms vs having thyroid disease (symptom free with the right medication) and shouldn’t have been.  It wasn’t until I developed additional symptoms that I started doing my own research.

I’m still trying to get my doctor to the same level as I am in regards to more knowledge of this disease and I’ll give him credit, as he has been doing some research on his own and he’s slowly coming along.  But I’m just tired of struggling with fighting not only my symptoms, but to get proper help as well.  I’m tired of the long bouts of insomnia, the development of gallstones, the occasional need to get outside immediately because I feel like I can’t get enough air.  I’m tired of struggling to keep the brain fog at bay.  I’m tired of the months of pain in one (at a time) area that randomly starts up for no apparent reason.  I’m tired of working my ass off in the gym 6 days a week with both cardio and weights, improving my diet (yes, getting my macros right) and it not making a damn bit of difference in my weight.  I’m tired of weighing up how badly certain things need to get done because I am so drop dead tired right to my soul that I don’t even know how I’m still standing and dear lord, do I really need to do that giant pile of laundry or god forbid, take the dog for a walk right this very minute?  *sigh*  Yes, yes you do because it’s not the dogs’ fault you’ve got this pain in the ass disease, not to mention going to work or school naked is generally frowned upon.

I’m a responsible adult dammit but some days I just want to tell the world to fuck right off!  Even if the world were on fire, do not disturb me cause all I want to do is hide under my blankets feigning sleep cause who the freaking hell can sleep when your tired as sin but your body is so screwed up it won’t let you do anything but just lay there staring up at the ceiling?

Who’s bright idea was it to come up with a disease that makes you so tired you can barely keep upright yet as soon as your head hits the pillow it at the same time laughs at you and says “Nope!  Not tonight sweetheart.  Tonight we’re going to toss and turn and never get comfortable and just watch the time crawl by one minute at a time”?  I think we need to hunt that ass down and do unspeakably painful things to him.  Who’s with me?

 

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2017 Sandy Monk/Unleashthehounds blog. All rights reserved. Revised: ALL PICTURES AND CONTENT ON THIS BLOG ~ UNLEASHTHEHOUNDS ~ ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF Sandy Monk, and may not be used, copied or reprinted without express permission from the owner. Copyrighted 2012-2017

Tired doesn’t really begin to cover it

I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not be tired. And who knew there could be so many levels of tired!
There’s the pulled an all nighter tired. Partied all night tired (and hung over). There’s the new mum tired (which lasts from pregnancy to late teens, early twenties lol).
Then there is hypothyroid tired. This tired I had never experienced before my early twenties. This tired seeps right into your bones. It saps every ounce of energy, motivation and lust for life you’ve ever had right out of you.
You are so tired, you actually don’t care that you have to get up and go to work, or you’ve agreed to go out but you’ve now changed your mind as you simply don’t have the energy to be around people. The effort in getting ready to go out when every cell in your body is telling you not to, is astounding. I’m not sure I could honestly describe it to anyone that hasn’t had the displeasure of experiencing it.
For me, the tired began when I became pregnant. As to exactly at what point normal pregnancy tired grew into hypothyroid tired, I’m not really sure. They seem to have merged and become one as one lead to the other. So I had the first trimester tired which is pretty normal. You find yourself falling asleep earlier in the evening, or for an involuntary nap. It happens quite often during those three months and is all very normal. The second trimester I found my energy came back and it was relatively normal. The third trimester, everything is off. I found this was when my emotions really started to scatter, however this was also the time where sleep wasn’t coming as easy as it did previous months. Finding a position that was comfortable became increasingly difficult as the term neared its completion. Combine lack of sleep, being poked and prodded from the inside out by the baby (and damn doctors), having to pee all the time (and only a drop or two despite it feeling like you’re going to pee like a race horse) and other general malaise that accompanies the wonders of creating a child.
The baby arrived and I had the usual tired that you would expect from sleeping with one ear and eye open in case she should make any sound or movement during the night. Plus we must not forget the broken sleep because of the nighttime feedings. Now I was lucky in the fact that she started sleeping through the night fairly young and you heard no complaints from me let me tell you. I still wasn’t sleeping properly and although constantly tired, I didn’t think much of it. It was expected so not unusual in the least. My mood swings were still around and were not showing signs of improving any and even I found that highly annoying.
It was a few years ago now, but I believe my daughter was nearing her second birthday when I developed heart palpitations. They weren’t all the time at first but they quickly became a part of my every day life. My heart is not something I really want to chance messing around with, especially now with a young toddler.
So off I went to my family doctor. He ordered an echocardiogram (ECG) and various blood tests. I honestly have no idea what tests he ordered as he said he was simply covering all the bases. He did speak of my possibly having a prolapsed valve but he was quick to assure me that my life wouldn’t really change if that were to end up being the outcome. Freaked me out a little but figured I’d wait to find out the results before truly worrying.
Tests came back and my heart was normal (many would beg to differ but hey, who am I to argue with medical facts 😛 ). The test for diabetes was negative, my blood sugar levels were well within the norm. Hmmmm it seems my thyroid was the culprit and was completely out of whack. He proceeded to tell me that I’d have to be on pills for the rest of my life and that I’d need to come in for regular blood tests to monitor my levels. For the first year, he wanted to see me every three months so that we could adjust my levels accordingly.
And so started my journey. But it hasn’t ended there. In fact, it has only truly begun. The above is ALL the information he told me about my condition. That was it. He said the Synthroid would help me feel better. He never said feeling better means all my symptoms go away. I took feeling better to be exactly that, I would feel better than I have in quite some time but may not be back to where I was before I was hypothyroid.
Here’s the bitter truth. Although I felt better, I never truly lost any of my symptoms. My heart palpitations would come back if my levels were off, I was always tired but not to the point where I could happily stay in bed and watch the world go by like I was before. My moodiness was really the only thing that went and stayed gone.

Until about 4 years ago. They all came back plus some. I was ending a bad marriage and to say the break up was rough is an extreme understatement. During that time, there was the house renovation and I lost my job (I was the main breadwinner in the house). Stress was my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I felt like I was being pushed and kept at the edge of the cliff and just one more thing added to my plate would be enough to send me over into that deep black abyss.
Yes, with the over the top emotions and the bone deep tiredness came depression…all on top of the stress I was already experiencing. I thought I was losing my mind some days. I didn’t know which way to turn as I was being pulled everywhere. I was the one people came to for help, direction, or just to listen to their problems. I didn’t have anyone to do the same. Trudging on and pushing through it was my only option. Oh, did I mention looking for employment in a dying city wasn’t the most joyful experience either. That really helped with the depression of course.
I was gaining weight hand over fist. I wasn’t making the best choices food wise at that point as I was passed the point of actually caring. Unfortunately, my separation from my husband grew darker and more turbulent which added to my depression and stress. I also started having bouts of insomnia. Those bouts have turned into a regular thing where I have to be absolutely bone dead exhausted to actually sleep. Other than that, every night I fight to sleep and I always wake up somewhere between 3-4 o’clock in the morning. I fight again to get back to sleep and usually do…right before my alarm goes off.
I’m still fighting the weight, roller coaster ride of emotions, black abyss of depression etc., but I have gained some life altering insight: it’s all fixable.

Thanks to a couple of Facebook pages, it gave me enough hope to start digging and doing my own research to find out that many, if not all, of the symptoms or issues I am experiencing is due to my thyroid and/or wrong dosage/medication. I have an appointment next week and I’m armed with the tests I want done and why and also that I want my meds to be changed to NDT. I’m done with Synthroid. I’m done dealing with “Air Hunger” because of my medication. I’m done having to put up with my symptoms every day for the rest of my life. I’m done with being short changed by my family doctor.

I’m starting my journey forward to a better life and more importantly, a better, healthier me.

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I have 40 of these symptoms.

Copyright © 2012-2015 Sandy Monk/Unleashthehounds blog. All rights reserved. Revised: ALL PICTURES AND CONTENT ON THIS BLOG ~ UNLEASHTHEHOUNDS ~ ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF Sandy Monk and may not be used, copied or reprinted without express permission from the owner. Copyrighted 2012-2015